Dark is Home

All my life

has been a search

for the one road

leading me to the place

that says,

You belong here

and I have been searching

for you too. Welcome home.

Make yourself comfortable

in that skin, put your feet up,

relax in your own quiet where

you feel safe, where it’s not

awkward just to breathe,

where being you is enough.

But it’s dark here

in this search

that remains unfounded,

the road crosses over

between almost there

and sorry, this road is closed.

Hitting roadblocks to see

what could be waiting

on the other side.

It’s always nothing

disguised as everything.

It’s giving all of myself

to the hands that give up

quicker than me

and I’m usually pretty quick.

It’s too much

running into closed roads

looking like arms

that want to hold me,

dropping me before

the first rest stop.

And I just keep driving,

making up songs along the way,

windows down, radio off,

conversations with myself

because I always answer.

I don’t know why I keep taking

this route, this road, this dream

that winds into a storm

with no way out.

A life term of wish I would learn,

wish I wouldn’t have done that,

wish it could’ve been different,

wish the stars would stop

fucking lying to my face

while falling, while laughing.

It’s never been funny.

Never been a joke

I can walk away from

like the weight of the world

suddenly turning light

and my feathers ruffle

in that trail that treads lightly

on things that matter.

I refuse them now,

tell them they never could fly

right anyway,

taking the direction of the wind

that feels too much

and never lets go.

So go… I don’t want feathers

unguarded down to the bone.

I have a heart for that.

I have a heart for that.

I had a heart for that.

I don’t anymore.

The storm stole it to turn the sky black,

lost my way when the view became

invisible and I lost track long enough

to see there was no road back.

I just stayed in the dark,

welcomed my blind spot,

continued the conversations

with myself and called it home.

-Stephanie Bennett-Henry

#stephaniebennetthenry