Unintentional Breaking

I never meant to turn stone cold, like a light that dimmed so fast it broke. I didn’t mean to come down your throat like a quick temper with flailing arms and it was never intentional the way my softness hardened into a fist fight overnight.

I wanted to be stronger than that, keep my fight brave and never show weakness like that, but my fire burned out and I can’t begin to tell you how cold this room is.

My insides tremble from being frozen in time, stuck in the moments that chained my heart and held me prisoner of a past I won’t see again, but can’t stop searching. I wanted to stay thick skinned and untouchable to a life that hammers into my confidence, tries to break it at every swing.

But somewhere along the way, that hammer hit just right and I finally shattered. Thinned me out transparent, my heart can be viewed on the outside now if you dare to look in.

I didn’t look away from myself on purpose, but the cracks… they are hard to look at, harder to acknowledge, so I find myself unable to not look away. Honestly, I’m ashamed of the demons that jumped through the cracks of my breaking. But they stayed. Didn’t escape the way I did. Stayed for the show like I refused to.

Sometimes giving up is easier than facing what’s pulling you down and it’s hard to look at the face of that. So I try hard not to. I wanted to fly but I fell. I wanted to rise, but the drop of my fall was stronger than me and I’m not sure anymore if I have it in me to stand once again.

-Stephanie Bennett-Henry

#stephaniebennetthenry

2 thoughts on “Unintentional Breaking

  1. There is always that moment when breaking has happened, of not knowing if getting up and going on is possible. Like all moments, it passes and another, different, moment follows. Different in what way remains to be seen.

    Liked by 1 person

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