Demons in My Eyes

There is no blame to take, but you pocket it deep, hide it away for my sake because that is just who you are. Extraordinary in your selfless ways even when you try to deny that part of yourself. And it’s amazing what we learn about ourselves sometimes, but also a wake up call I may have hit the snooze button on. If only there was one. So, the lesson punched me in the face when I wasn’t looking and now I am wide awake. Ordinary in my selfish ways I try to deny, I pocket the fault deep inside and soak in it until I learn it’s not all about me. I will take the blame that was never yours to carry, lift the weight off your shoulders and hold it, if it puts the light back in your eyes. You are amazing in the way you voluntarily took on the load of my baggage and carried it as though you contributed to those demons I can’t stop holding hands with. But I had those demons packed long before I met you, hid them in closets so I didn’t have to invest the time to deny them. Covered them just enough to keep the cold from seeping out like a confession I was never equipped to admit… until now. I am still unpacking slowly. It takes time. An overnight bag can hold decades of monsters that never hid under my bed, but in my eyes, so I never had to see them. I see them now. I see me now. Those monsters… they are me. I know that now and I’m taking steps to get to the day when I stop looking away from myself long enough to unpack completely. Working on finding my own light again instead of embracing the dark that offers too many places to hide. I need to be heavy with it all for a while, carry it until I own it, instead of pretending it’s not mine. It is mine and I am claiming it from you. I want you to be weightless like our flight never crashed with all those feathers and the light from your eyes never escaped to make room for my fall. I have to keep falling on my own until I master the wings you showed me and the landing you tried to shield me from. One day I will have it down as though I always did. In the meantime, you go fly like you do with that heart like a song saving the world and that light in your eyes the sun is jealous of. Go shine amazing like you always do, those stars.. they have been waiting for you to show them how to come alive. -Stephanie Bennett-Henry

#stephaniebennetthenry

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