Secrets Fucked Inside

Eat.

Just fucking eat.

That’s what they say

That’s what they all say

Just get some fucking sleep

Sleep… great idea….

if only that idea agreed with me

but it never does.

The silence…

It’s too loud to let me sleep.

The walking away,

the giving up..

I can’t chew on that.

I can’t swallow rejection

and expect it to fill me

with anything other than

the taste of my own

self loathing.

The breaking,

it doesn’t taste good.

It splits my taste buds,

strips me raw

of everything I thought I knew

and I’m empty

with the reality of knowing

I wasn’t worth staying whole.

I was only the time

of pieces fucked empty

and that

is how I will stay.

Because the silence

just inside the emptiness

of what was

fills me with just enough hope

that maybe

you’ll realize

I was worth a little bit more.

But my heart..

it breaks and laughs

and tells me

I’m only a whore

who was good enough

for the secrets

fucked inside.

And still I say,

I love you.

Because I hate myself

just enough

to keep fucking my own heart

deeper into ruin.

-Stephanie Bennett-Henry

#stephaniebennetthenry