Let Me Be

So let me be, sometimes I need space to breathe, a place to see in color once again. There will be times, many times, when I detach myself from all I know, all I thought I knew, and anything that threatens to shine light my way like a burden I never asked for. I shield myself from the world, all these people falling, calling my name like a threat begging to be a conversation, hits me like a bullet. I will always try to dodge it. I know… I am crying all the time. I don’t need a reason for that, I’m not going to have an explanation ready, so it makes sense to you. I can’t. It doesn’t make sense to me most of the time. I don’t need the questions, the constant concern that I’m being too quiet and that bothers you. I know.. because it bothers me too. But I am low enough, I don’t need the interrogation to bring me down to my knees or the judgment that kicks me harder. Sometimes I just need to be alone, sit in the corner of my own darkness without having to answer for these demons I don’t even know by name. I need to give up from time to time to make sense of this sadness that breaks me up into pieces I don’t want to claim. Leave the pieces. I don’t want those parts of myself anymore. I don’t need you to comfort me when I’m like this, you only make it worse, and sometimes I want to forget the colors, the light, the almost dreams, everything. Let me be until I come around again, until I want to remember who I am and the reasons why. I always come back eventually. I’m sure this time won’t be any different.

-Stephanie Bennett-Henry

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