House Hunting

If I’m being honest, I ruined everything good with my overthinking that comes like a curse I don’t know how to break. I have second guessing so deep in my bones, sometimes I forget what’s real anymore, analyzing every word and action until it’s so smothered, the flames go out like they never existed. It’s part of my armor, my self-protective ways of not letting anything close enough to touch me. Because if I let myself feel, my heart… this ridiculous heart will reach out and grab that feeling, call it love, try to make it into a home, try to keep it forever… I can’t allow it. I have seen what homes are made of, the way they crumble, the way they leave, the way they never have foundation strong enough to stay in one piece through unexpected storms. The same is true with love. It may look perfect on the outside, but the inside is almost always shattered in some way. I just don’t have it in me anymore to pick up pieces, hoping a house can somehow become the home I always needed. It never works. And if someone wants to turn their heart into a home for you, nothing will stop them. If they don’t, they will never even start building. So, turn your own heart into a place that feels like home to you. Let that be enough to keep the foundation of you unbreakable, regardless of any storms.

-Stephanie Bennett-Henry

#stephaniebennetthenry

#letterstomyself

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