X is Home

The best advice I can give you is not to take advice from me, because while I have probably been where you are, it’s a sure bet that I’m still there lingering somewhere along the bottom. That’s my biggest downfall. Giving great advice but forgetting to follow it. I have grand ideas for other people but for myself, I’m lost in the spot reserved for last place. I mark my feet there with an X and call it home, I’ve settled. When chasing dreams became too much, I slowed down the race and embraced last place like it was just as good as the blue in the ribbon of first. It blended in with the light in my eyes and sparked a flash of lightning in the sky that would fall like dominoes looking like a house of paper cards that wasn’t built to handle the breath from wishes blown by. I fell. Didn’t stop falling into the free fall of the years that happened since seventeen, here I am. Throw some more at me, world I got it covered. You want to see me fall again? Pay attention. Take note of the slow fall crash that takes everything in the path with it. Here I am. It’s a competition of who or what can knock me down harder next time and next time and the next. I am filled with the empty from what you thought was emptiness. Not even close. I’m heavy with more. My mouth waters for the void, pour more into me, I can take it. Fill my heart with all you have and then rip it out of my chest and break it open. I dare you. You want a prize from the inside? Tough luck; it’s hollow. You thought it would be beautiful there, you were wrong. That’s life. It’s not fair and no one said it would be; are you listening?

-Stephanie Bennett-Henry

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7 thoughts on “X is Home

  1. Stephanie, yes, you are where you are, and been where you have been. but still, there is the truth and sometimes difficult beauty of your writing which gives, if not advice, to those in similar places, the vital message, “You are not alone.” You do speak for more than yourself.

    Liked by 2 people

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