Time of You

It is 1:00am

when my thoughts refuse to settle,

when I analyze every detail of my life,

when I start thinking of you again.

It is 2:00am

when I’m still wide awake for no reason

other than you and all the details of you

I have memorized deep in my bones.

It is 3:00am

and I’m still here with my mind like a curse

I wouldn’t put on my worst enemy.

I study every scenario of rights and wrongs,

what I should’ve done differently,

what I could’ve done better,

and all I would still change if only.

If only you were here I tell myself,

I would be fast asleep

not questioning anything at all.

It is 4:00am

and I may as well stay up now.

My eyes fear the closure, the dark,

the silence, while my thoughts

create anxiety that won’t allow sleep.

And here I am again with you,

my heart hurts.

I’ve convinced myself I’m losing you

and the cycle repeats the analysis

that’s always empty handed.

I need you more than the sleep

that I’m chasing, darling.

I need to wake up from this nightmare

and find you lying next to me.

It’s 5:00am

and the nightmare continues

until I finally doze off alone,

out of your arms, out of your reach,

I am cold.

The last thing I remember

before I close my eyes

is hoping that you’re warm.

-Stephanie Bennett-Henry

#stephaniebennetthenry

3 thoughts on “Time of You

  1. How many times can a scene, or a whole play, from life be analyzed searching for what could have made the ending different? Infinitely, it seems. Is any hour of day or night immune to that itch and scratching it? Hardly. Can a poet say it better than I? One just did.

    Liked by 1 person

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