It is 1:00am
when my thoughts refuse to settle,
when I analyze every detail of my life,
when I start thinking of you again.
It is 2:00am
when I’m still wide awake for no reason
other than you and all the details of you
I have memorized deep in my bones.
It is 3:00am
and I’m still here with my mind like a curse
I wouldn’t put on my worst enemy.
I study every scenario of rights and wrongs,
what I should’ve done differently,
what I could’ve done better,
and all I would still change if only.
If only you were here I tell myself,
I would be fast asleep
not questioning anything at all.
It is 4:00am
and I may as well stay up now.
My eyes fear the closure, the dark,
the silence, while my thoughts
create anxiety that won’t allow sleep.
And here I am again with you,
my heart hurts.
I’ve convinced myself I’m losing you
and the cycle repeats the analysis
that’s always empty handed.
I need you more than the sleep
that I’m chasing, darling.
I need to wake up from this nightmare
and find you lying next to me.
It’s 5:00am
and the nightmare continues
until I finally doze off alone,
out of your arms, out of your reach,
I am cold.
The last thing I remember
before I close my eyes
is hoping that you’re warm.
-Stephanie Bennett-Henry
#stephaniebennetthenry
How many times can a scene, or a whole play, from life be analyzed searching for what could have made the ending different? Infinitely, it seems. Is any hour of day or night immune to that itch and scratching it? Hardly. Can a poet say it better than I? One just did.
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Thank you❤️
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Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
Stephanie Bennett-Henry – a sleepless night, a busy mind, and who’s not there
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