Everything is calm outside the window.
The noise you hear is the rapid cycling
of my heart getting a head start
on my mind before my mind
crosses the finish line first
and takes it all before anything else
has a chance to say… slow down…
wait for me…. no.
My mind doesn’t care
if you catch up or not.
It doesn’t care if you catch on
or catch fire.
It’s just how it is.
There’s not a button anywhere
for me to take control
of this madness
that sometimes feels like
a carnival with roller coasters
or a freak show circus of clowns
who won’t stop smiling
that creepy fucking smile.
It’s never going to be pretty.
My heart says it’s always beautiful
but my mind…
my mind has a thousand ways
to turn it into the ugliest thing
you’ve ever seen.
Don’t try me.
Don’t test the waters here.
I swear to god you can’t handle
how deep the deep end goes
and how shallow my reasoning is
as it turns waves into excuses
that no one can surf.
I’m telling you
these waters,
sometimes they are shark infested.
Sometimes they are not.
But there are no warning signs.
You either dive in or you don’t.
I don’t have that choice.
I’m always diving from the high dive,
spiraling down
so ungracefully
and almost always landing
head first into the shallow.
It hurts.
But only for a few seconds
and I’m swimming with the sharks
like it’s the most beautiful moment
in the world… until it’s not.
And it turns into fear.
I don’t know how long I can tread
these open seas..
and maybe I’ll never find out
because next thing I know
I’m flying high
hot air balloon style,
it’s calm until it loses control
and I’m in a free fall again.
But it’s beautiful,
It’s fucking gorgeous.
The mess you see,
the disaster you see,
the destruction you see…
to me,
it’s nothing short of brilliant;
a breathtaking song
I cannot stop dancing to.
-Stephanie Bennett-Henry
#stephaniebennetthenry #ragingrhetoric
Stephanie, this one should be included in the DSM or psychiatric text books.
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Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
Have you ever heard of Rapid Cycling? Well, Stephanie Bennett-Henry explains, poetically.
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