I used to be clothed in a certain
light that never stopped shining.
From my heart to my throat,
words warmed this voice just enough
to ignite a smile or sometimes two.
But it was genuine.
It felt safe for once,
like all the fear fell
away and melted around me into a puddle
of glitter I could write my name in.
But on some days, the glitter is gone,
and I find myself standing in the cold.
Thin as ice, the breaking cracks me nude,
words as bare as my bones that broke
into my heart a time or two. Or the silent
whisper from my throat that has nothing
left to say. I only know for certain now
I’m just as cold without you as I was
when the chill of you turned my spine
into a dirty rag shoved in my throat
to silence any spark my voice could
muster. I get it now.
The smile I lost has nothing to do with you.
This is my heart, my warmth, my shine.
It’s me who decides
what makes me or breaks me.
Kicking my feet through the sparkle
of my own neon, I ignite my own fire.
I’m only responsible for myself
and the way I burn in my own light.